tribulations

My coworker suffered a miscarriage today. She was just three weeks behind me in her pregnancy. We were both so incredibly excited about sharing our "first time mom" experiences together. We were looking forward to having someone to talk with about all of the changes going on in our bodies. We were going to be pregnancy buddies. But all of that has changed now. She started cramping last week. And then on Monday, she started bleeding. She left to go to the doctor, and hasn't been at work since. We all got the news today just before 5pm as our boss came around to let us know, so we would be aware in case she's at work on Monday.

I love this girl. She has the kindest heart of anyone I've ever known. Her faith in God is unwavering. Even now, even as she doesn't understand why this awful thing is happening to her, she still looks to God and stands on His promise that He is forever faithful. Even after all she has been through in her life, she always trusts in God's will.

She came to America from Kenya in 1998 to go to college because her mother wanted her to have an American education. After a long battle of will with her mom over whether to move to Florida or Oklahoma, her mother won and she's been here ever in Oklahoma ever since. She grew up in a boarding school, because her both parents were police officers in Kenya and were gone the majority of the time fighting drug cartels and other rogue criminals. Her dad was more like the equivalent to the CIA or the FBI. Last year, her dad and brother were kidnapped by some cartel members and executed. They were forced to strip out of their clothes, their hands were tied behind their backs, and they were shot in the back of the head. She wasn't able to return to Kenya for their funerals.

The only family she has here is her husband. She's been married for two years, and his family hasn't been very accepting of their marriage. I guess they never expected their All American, Boy Next Door to fall for a real life African girl. She's brave. She attends the family gatherings, never feeling fully welcome. Most of the time she sits on the couch, alone, waiting for someone to talk to her. Her husband has tried to ease the tension with his mother, and this has only turned into toleration. Not acceptance. Again, she tells us, she's not married to his mother. She doesn't mind the awkwardness because she loves her husband. And to her, that's all that matters.

All she's talked about for the past year is "getting" a baby. We all know how desperately she's wanted this. I can't help but be incredibly sad. I can't imagine how hard this is for her. I don't know what I would do, or how I would feel if it were me. I'm having guilt even though I know there isn't anything that I could have done. I'm just worried about how it's going to be for her to have to be around me. Will she have resentment? Will seeing me make her sad? I don't know what to say to her. How do I, of all people, offer condolences? My heart is heavy. Maybe I just need a good cry, and I'll feel better.